Cold Prey

 

Despite a low body count and tolerable characters, but no standout characters, Cold Prey works because of its atmospheric setting, and because it is just as much of a survival movie as it is a horror movie. The survival situation, particularly for one character starts before the killing does, and once the killing does it becomes just as much of a battle with the elements as it does the killer. I do like that time is given to the characters early on, I know all of their names and things about them, but none of them are that memorable. While doing everything I normally like about a character driven slasher movie its faults are that it does nothing excellently. I could have used maybe one or two more kills and something that stands out. Without the survival element added in I would not have liked this as much. 

I do like that early one where we get to know some of the characters. Couples Jannicke and Eirik, as well as Ingunn and Mikal, and their third wheeling friend, Morten Tobias are snowboarders and skiers going on vacation. They arrive at a mountain. On the car ride they establish that Mikal and Ingunn haven't been together that long, but are very much in love. Jannicke seems to be afraid of making a commitment to Eirik by not wanting to move in with him. Morten gives several looks at Jannicke throughout that show he has a crush on her. After trekking to a remote mountain summit Morten breaks his leg after falling off of his snowboard. The situation becomes one of survival as they cannot get off the mountain for help before dark. They find a supposedly abandoned lodge and take shelter there...

They stabilize Morten's leg before Jannicke takes over and superglues his leg shut. They take refuge there. There are some fun moments like when Morten drinks alcohol and takes painkillers. Eirik, Ingunn and Mikal find a generator somewhere in the basement and turn it on. They have fun with some of the music that plays and Ingunn and Mikal make cocktails for everyone. Mikal goes to have sex with Ingunn but she doesn't want to. Mikal gets mad because he thinks she is leading him on. Back outside, Morten has a fun moment where he is carried on the shoulders of Eirik and Jannicke to go pee. Mikal starts drinking and Jannicke tells him that he needs to be patient with Ingunn and that she is still a virgin. 

At one point Ingunn goes to leave her room and is stabbed by a man hiding in the lodge with a pickaxe. A great chase ensues as Ingunn gets to the stairs to the next set of rooms on the floor below. While trying to get back up the stairs she is stabbed again and eventually dragged down before she can get Mikal's attention. The next morning Mikal brings breakfast to Ingunn's room and knocks on the door, but she obviously doesn't answer. This could have been a turning point if he had just opened the door. Meanwhile, Eirik decides to leave to get help and before he can get very far, finds Ingunn's body and is knocked out by the killer. Eventually Mikal and Jannicke go back to the generator room. Morten wakes up at one point and I like that moment because that could have been like something out of Torso where the character wakes up not knowing what would have happened to the people around them. I'm okay with them not going that route but it would have been interesting. It transitions to Jannicke and Mikal in the generator room so I'm ultimately okay with them not going that route. 

Morten goes to cry open a can of beets. There is a good fake out where Mikal finds the beets all over the ground and assumes something has happened to Morten but he has just fallen. Jannicke eventually opens Ingunn's room and I love the look on her face when she sees all the blood. This is where the survival situation really amps up. While it was revealed a little bit before that Mikal likes to do things his own way, he eventually proposes that Jannicke and him leave to save themselves. When Mikal does go off on his own he is eventually killed by the mountain man breaking his neck.

A look at the killer in this movie

Spoiler Section

Jannicke does eventually lock Morten inside a food pantry for his protection and goes to a shed and finds a shotgun with one shell. While in the basement she finds Eirik still alive. Eventually the mountain man finds both her and Morten in the generator room and Morten prevents her from shooting as the mountain man was holding Eirik as a shield. He stabs Eirik in front of them. Morten stays behind and is killed while Jannicke escapes. She eventually gets on skis but is knocked out before she can go anywhere. The movie's opening had shown a kid with a birthmark being buried in snow. They had found a picture of him at the lodge from around 30 years ago. When Jannicke fights the mountain man near the ravine, she knocks off his goggles showing he is that boy all grown up. She manages to stab him with the pickaxe and he falls into the ravine. Jannicke collapses into the snow.

I do enjoy how the setting of this movie is infinite. I can never figure out the geography of the building and that puts you in the mind of the characters as they have a hard time navigating the place while the killer knows his way around. While the movie looks quite gray and green I do like how archaic and obsolete the building looks. I love the visual of the bright red blood Ingunn gets all over the floor. That color is welcome compared to the rest of the movie. It feels like a classic slasher in that some slashers will take place in one secluded location where anyone who goes there gets killed. The characters see this later when they find a bunch of wedding rings in one of the rooms where the killer frequents. I just wish there could have been a kill at the opening or maybe another couple that gets killed. The kills themselves aren't really anything special. That tends to happen when only one weapon is used. Sometimes people will say oh the killer uses this really cool instrument in this slasher movie, but I happen to like a variety. One kill is a cutaway, one is a neck break from afar, and the other is just one stab in the chest. I do like the twist that Eirik is still alive..until he isn't. The chase with Ingunn is great. The suspense scene where Morten and Jannicke hide from the killer and their breathing is the loudest thing in the room is great suspense. The moment where Jannicke aims the gun and the killer puts out his flashlight is great. The final fight shows how capable Jannicke is, kicking the killer repeatedly and rolling around to avoid the pickaxe. She kicks ass. I do enjoy watching this movie every winter as the setting and atmosphere really help what could otherwise be an average slasher movie. 

SLASHER MOVIE ANATOMY:

• Prior Evil: A boy's parents were killed a ski lodge when he was young and he was buried in the snow and left for dead. Now he kills anyone who comes there and disposes of their bodies in a ravine.
• Body Count: 5
• Whodunit: No, though ultimately more like who cares because you know its the mountain man and you don't care much about who he is or why
• Mask or outfit: Mountain main in winter wear
• Locale or organizer: Ski Lodge
• Best Kill: Pickaxe to the chest

INSTRUMENTS OF DEATH AND SLASH COUNT

• Pickaxe: 4

• Neck break: 1

• SLASHER MOVIE TAXONOMY

•         Kingdom: Post-Scream, Norwegian, survival
•         Phylum: Serious, not much levity except for the fun moments Morten provides
•         Class: Slasher set at a ski lodge in the winter, just as much about survival from the elements
•         Order: 2006
•         Family: No nudity
•         Genus: Great atmospheric setting, I enjoy how the characters going to a remote location automatically gets them away from any other authority that could help them
•     Species: Low body count, minimal effects work, some blood but not overly bloody, atmospheric and setting reliant

Rating: 6/10

Trivia: The movie was shot at the peak of Jotunheimen. Helicopters flew 20 tons of equipment to the top of the mountain where the temperature was below -25 degrees Celsius. It took two years to film another nine months for special effects and editing.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbKguZ1ch60

Die Hard

 

Still the greatest action movie of all time, Die Hard originated so many tropes you see in action movies that came after. So much so, that it is now considered a subgenre of action movies called the, "die hard scenario," where the often outnumbered hero or heroes go up against insurmountable odds to take on the villains normally in one location. Bruce Willis, the normal looking everyman with a wisecracking attitude compared to the more macho action stars of the time. Alan Rickman, the sophisticated, dapper, British villain. They say opposites attract and both of them aren't what you would expect from an action movie, that is why it works so well. It also has a great story and interesting themes. John McClane first asks for help from authorities before realizing that the only way to stop these villains is to take them head on. The rest of the movie is about how first responders, media and journalists, negotiators and federal agents make the situation worse by underestimating the conviction of the villains. In the case of the media their sensationalism of a hostage situation makes everyone just as unsafe and uninformed. The film is also well made with some of the best gunshot sounds, Jan De Bont's camerawork, Michael Kamen's overpowering score, and John McTiernan's direction making every scene more suspenseful.

Synopsis: New York City policeman John McClane (Bruce Willis) is visiting his estranged wife (Bonnie Bedelia) and two daughters on Christmas Eve. He joins her at a holiday party in the headquarters of the Japanese-owned business she works for. But the festivities are interrupted by a group of terrorists who take over the exclusive high-rise, and everyone in it. Very soon McClane realizes that there's no one to save the hostages -- but him.

The set up to this movie is great. Showing McClane in an airplane, showing his anxiety about flying, and having him grab his gun to tell the person he was next to that he was a cop makes him instantly relatable. I actually enjoy the scenes of him and Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) early on because of their age difference. Bedelia is about seven years older than Bruce Willis. I think reflects it in both of their characters. John being a little more fiery and immature and that explains more about how couldn't leave his job because he probably needs it. 

Once the villains show up McClane takes off from the floor that the party was on and goes upstairs. He tries to ask for help before doing anything else. He tries to get the attention of the fire department but the alarm is called off. Eventually he is found by Tony (Andreas Wisniewski), one of Hans' henchmen and kills him. He then takes his machine gun and C4 to use. After killing the first terrorist McClane uses the radio to call the LAPD who eventually make their way there, setting up a control room type scenario that every action movie had after this. 

I talked in the thesis about how McClane is the only one who knows how to fight these terrorists properly.

He usually waits until he can dispatch only one or two at a time and often stays put in one spot of the building. He doesn't try to take them all on at once like the LAPD does when they try to get into the building and use their RV, and he doesn't try to pull a fast one with helicopters like the F.BI. The F.B.I. were okay with losing some of the hostages in order to take out the terrorists. McClane wants to find a way to save them all. What is interesting is how that contrasts with Hans' plan. Hans doesn't seem like the type of guy who wants to kill people. He is the type of guy to get his money and get away with it at all costs. It is his will and conviction that makes him such a great villain. Every time he makes a threat he follows through with it, killing Takagi, blowing up the roof while the hostages are supposed to be on it when the F.B.I. arrives, shooting the police RV instead of giving them a chance to drive away, and killing Ellis. Everyone else including negotiators like Ellis are trying to bargain with the terrorists. In the case of the F.B.I. they try to outsmart them with no concern for collateral damage and end up being outsmarted. 

The media response to this is another angle. While I do think there is a case that the media angle and Dick Thornburg (William Atherton) don't need to be a part of the movie it shows how situations like this can be misinterpreted. The media brings on doctors to tell an inaccurate story of what the hostages could be going through. Like Ellis, Thornburg wanted to make things about himself and look for a story for his own benefit and no one else's. Without his insensitivity Holly wouldn't have needed to be saved at the end of the movie. 

There are many other things this movie sets up that action movies would do in the future. I all ready mentioned the control room scenario. Here are some others:

• Authority figures assembling a team that all gets killed, in this case the LAPD
• Hero corresponding with someone on the outside, in this case Powell and Argyle
• Villain scheme is more than just meets the eye or they have something the hero doesn't know about, in this case more explosives and detonators than previously thought
• The villain having a strongman type henchman and a tech guy, in this case Karl and Theo
• Hero and villain confrontation and meeting coming late in the movie
• Villain killing a hostage for everyone to see or hear

Jan De Bont and John McTiernan do such a good job with the suspense scenes in this movie. While the action scenes are great as well it is really the suspense that keeps me invested. The scene where Tony goes to confront McClane on one of the top floors is great because once Tony gets out of the elevator the whole thing is shot from his perspective. We don't know what McClane is doing to get the drop on him but the camera panning with Tony while he shoots the gun behind those construction boards is great because for all you know he just killed McClane until the camera reveals there is nothing there. That starts the sound of the gunshots in this movie which are some of the loudest I've ever heard. Another great scene is the meeting between Hans and McClane because of all the weird dutch angles, and stretchy close ups. I do like how they show Hans leaving his gun and trying to make an excuse to get to it. Apparently McClane knows who he is because of the watches the terrorists have. There is a deleted scene showing they have those watches. Though it could be implied that McClane is seeing through his accent which is actually great acting by Alan Rickman to pretend to have such an SNL type of American accent. What makes the action scenes better and more climactic is Michael Kamen's overpowering score. Once some action starts his score full of horns, brass, and other percussion instruments is just overwhelming. It works with the rest of the movie. 

I haven't even talked yet about some of the characters and why I enjoy them. McClane talks to himself a lot and makes him cinematic. It's almost like he is talking to an audience. I like that he is more beat up and dirty as the film goes on. It makes him real. Rickman never seems like the tough villain you'd find in any action movie yet he is matched with another person who doesn't look like he belongs either. It works so well. Alexander Godunov as Karl is great. He goes from being the nicest guy ever in Witness to cold-bloodied villain in this. Every supporting role has personality. From Al Leong as one of the henchmen, to Robert Davi as the overconfident FBI agent. Everyone gets a moment to shine. No other action movie has had all of these elements work as well as Die Hard does. That is why it is among the best action movies ever.

Rating: 10/10

Trivia: The Costume department had 17 shirts in various stages of degradation for Bruce Willis to wear. 

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaJuwKCmJbY

Shredder (2003)

 

Shredder takes many things I enjoy about post-Scream era slashers and 80s slashers and puts them in a blender. Time is given early on to get to know the characters. While the acting and characters aren't the best, they are far from boring or bad. There are many tropes and character moments that that feel like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th. Other elements such as some meta humor feel like something from Scream or the post-Scream era. The kills are inventive at times and bloody. The idea of a killer going after snowboarders is something original. The ski lodge location looks real which adds some authenticity. While the actors look like more of the CW type that you would be accustomed to seeing in this era of slasher movies. I also think they captured the cheesy acting feel you have in most 80s slashers. The result is one the funnest and one of the best slasher movies of the early 2000s. I watch this every year around the start of winter. 

The setup is classic slasher movie fare. The movie starts with a POV fake out that turns out to be the main character sneaking up on his girlfriend while she takes a shower. Cole (Scott Weinger, VOICE OF ALADDIN!) is in a relationship with Kimberly (Lindsey McKeon). His plan to have a romantic getaway at a ski lodge is foiled when Kimberly invites several of their friends. The outgoing and liberated Robyn, the punky Pike, also Kimberly's cousin, the videographer Skylar, and fellow snowboarder Kirk. Kimberly has plans to meet up with famous snowboarder Chad, who ends up being the one we see get killed at the beginning. 

What I do like is some of this set up being something other slashers have done. Someone filming with a video camera on a bridge reminds me of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Speaking of Texas Chainsaw, picking up a hitchhiker near a gas station could not be anymore like it. The idea of this local legend about drunken snowboarders killing a local girl, and then someone wanting revenge when more snowboarders come to the closed down lodge is similar to Friday the 13th. The Sheriff showing up and telling them they shouldn't be there and then getting killed is similar to things that happen in both of the first two Friday the 13th movies. Not only that but it has some of the same meta humor that the Scream movies have. There are some moments like a person getting killed while they are stoned, or one person saying they are a virgin so the killer won't kill them that feels more like movies from around the time when this was made. The rules the killer goes by are as follows: 

1. Always ski in control. Be able to avoid other people or objects.
2. Do not disembark from a chairlift except at a designated area.
3. Observe all posted signs and warnings. Keep off closed trailers and out of closed areas.

So the killer throughout kills anyone seemingly violating these rules but there are also moments where the killer messes with people just for violating the rules and kills anyone at all who snowboards, which is actually part of a well written twist.

The second kill doesn't come until past 30 minutes in or so, so there is time given to the characters. The Sheriff shows up one night while they play strip poker and tells them they can't be there. Both Robyn and Kimberly flirt with the cop and Cole pays him to go away. Kimberly has inherited the lodge. The locals however are not having it. Bud, whose wife was killed by drunken teens, blames snowboarders for the accident and doesn't want them anywhere near the place. Bud is like Crazy Ralph of this movie, but also plays a bigger role.

There are some character moments I enjoy. That first night Kimberly sneaks off to go sleep with Christophe, the European hitchhiker they picked up. Robyn beats Kimberly to the punch however, and has sex with Christophe. One thing that is unintentionally funny about this scene is how long Kimberly walks through the house while looking for Christophe while it takes Robyn two seconds to find him. Robyn's topless scene is the only one in the movie. Maybe they couldn't pay Lindsey McKeon enough for that or something though she looks amazing in red lingerie and a leopard bikini later in the movie. Robyn has some other funny moments like when the killer sits next to her on the ski lift she gets his attention by saying, "hey hot babe here." She is totally confident in her sexuality and not afraid to show it. There is a fun moment where Cole can't break the lock to the front gate while everyone goes ahead while he stays there and Kimberly stays in the car. As always with early 2000s movies I enjoy the punk and hard rock soundtrack. Christophe gets many POV shot fake outs throughout, I never suspect him as the killer, but he serves as a good red herring because at a certain point you start to think who else could be the killer? I enjoy the growing relationship between Pike and Cole. Cole is a bit of a cuck for Kimberly, never realizing that she will never stop treating him terribly and only leading him on. Pike actually likes him and even though he's still awkward around her he seems more confident around her as well. There is a cute scene where Cole takes a tumble and pretends he is passed out to flirt with her. They also kiss later in one of those "hey in case we die let's do this now," type of moments.

This movie was filmed on location at a real ski resort in Idaho so that is why it looks real. That gives it some credibility. I haven't talked about the kills in this movie which for the most part I love. There is one lame kill with a scarf that I wish could have been something better, though how many movies do you see where someone gets strangled on a ski lift with a scarf? The opening kill with a garrote wire that takes off a bunch of Chad's fingers and then cuts his head off is awesome. The aftermath effect of the nearly severed head is great. There is one kill where the killer puts a ski pole through a camera lens to stab someone's eye and blood goes through the camera from the eye. There is a lame kill with a shovel where someone gets hit and it cuts away. An icicle to the midsection, which is a funny moment because Kirk is really high and he says, "karma, bad." This movie did the stoner thing before Freddy Vs. Jason did it.

Spoiler Section

I enjoyed the twist of who the killer ends up being. The one "killer" who we see dressing up as a skier with a mask on is actually Bud who is trying to scare the kids rather than kill them for violating the rules. Cole points this out at one point saying they would all be dead if that killer wanted them dead. There is another killer though and it turns out to be Shelly, Bud's daughter, wanting revenge for her dead sister. She had been flirting with Skylar for whatever reason, before Bud showed up and chastised her so it would appear they aren't working together. Bud is later killed by the same garrote wire trap while chasing Cole on a snowmobile. He is decapitated. Another great kill. I'm not entirely sure if Shelly had set that trap up or not. Christophe had posed as a European man to get in good with the group to go back to the lodge because his friends were killed, as we see later and he is trying to find the killer. Kimberly gets her comeuppance when she is stabbed by the killer with a fire poker. Cole eventually makes his way back to the bar and gets trapped by the back door when Shelly shows up with a giant snow blower and says she is the killer. Pike shows up and shoots Shelly and when she is forced out of the snow blower she is killed in a hilarious jump cut moment where she is sucked into the snow blower.

SLASHER MOVIE ANATOMY:

• Prior Evil: Reckless snowboarders kill a young girl at a ski lodge and it shuts down. When someone inherits the lodge someone wants revenge.
• Body Count: 10 (Not including Christophe's friends that might add a few)
• Whodunit: Yes
• Mask or outfit: Skier getup and ski mask
• Locale or organizer: Ski Lodge
• Best Kill: Garrote wire finger cut off and decapitation

INSTRUMENTS OF DEATH AND SLASH COUNT

• Garrote wire decapitation: 2

• Icepick to the face : 1

• Ski pole to the eye through a camera lens : 1

• Dead body preserved by ice : 1

• Icicle to the stomach : 1

• giant slow blower : 1

• shovel: 1

• Scarf strangulation: 1

SLASHER MOVIE TAXONOMY

•         Kingdom: Post-Scream but feels throwback, meta and 80s feeling, doesn't lack nudity compared to other Post Scream slashers
•         Phylum: Cheesy as hell
•         Class: Slasher set at a ski lodge in the winter, snowboarding slasher movie
•         Order: 2003, though filmed years before
•         Family: Upper body nudity and rear nudity shown from one woman
•         Genus: Just as much of a fun setting and location as the slasher elements, Final guy, more like the scream queen, and tough final girl, similar to Nightmare on Elm Street 2
•     Species: High body count, really bloody kills and FX work, a few standout kills, and a good twist with the two "killer" approach, really takes things from other slashers but imitation is a form of flattery in this case.

Rating: 9/10

Trivia: The film was released in Japan as "Jason Z."

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKZRWzOpEnM

Kill Count: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siwAc-fElBU

Don't Open Till Christmas

 

I've always compared this movie to The New York Ripper in that it shows the grimy, sleazy main street of a big city during the 80s. Not just that but the pacing of the two movies is similar. Every five minutes there is either some kind of police conversation, erotic scene, or a bloody kill. This has one of the highest body counts of any slasher movie and does feature bloody and memorable kills. While it does have that going for it, the characters aren't all that interesting. Edmund Purdom, Dick Randall, and Alan Birkinshaw don't direct suspense sequences well. The movie goes in between two female characters while not giving us much about them. That exposes the biggest issue of this movie which is the lack of continuity because of the film's troubled production. Despite all those flaws, at around 85 minutes I'm more entertained by this than most 80s slashers. The mystery is never boring, and there are a lot of kills and sleaziness so I'm never bored.

Synopsis: Somebody with very little Christmas spirit is killing anyone in a Santa suit one London holiday season, and Scotland Yard has to stop him before he makes his exploits an annual tradition.

I've all ready said that this movie reminds me of The New York Ripper. It reminds me of it completely in its structure. While the openings are different, the opening scenes last about the same amount of time, then the credits, and then everything else. Slasher movies that have this formula work for me the best: a few minutes of police investigation dialogue, cut to a quick kill, cut to something erotic, police investigate kill, then another kill happens, more of something erotic. That is the formula those two aforementioned movies share and it really works for me. You don't get to know these characters too much and it doesn't spend enough time deciding which character is supposed to be the main character between sex worker, Sherry (Kelly Baker), and Kate (Belinda Mayne). The two police investigators, Harris (Edmund Purdom) and Detective Sergeant Powell (Mark Jones) are really just there. They don't do anything special, but cops need to be in the movie. That being said, there are some fun character moments. 

When the one guy dressed as Santa Claus comes to see Sherry perform I do enjoy the interaction where he asks if her mother knows what she does for a living and she says her mother owns the place and that she is filling in for her. Kate's boyfriend, Cliff (Gerry Sundquist) is a jerk. Kate's father is the second Santa Claus dresser to get killed. After that Cliff thinks that taking her to a pornography shoot with his friend Gerry (Kevin Lloyd) will cheer her up for some reason. As soon as they get to Gerry's studio I enjoy the back and forth Kate and Cliff have, "I'm delighted," Cliff says. Kate says back, "I'm bloody furious," to be there. At one point at home Cliff and Kate talk and he doesn't seem to be taking her seriously at all, after her father was just killed. He says "come back to the real world sometime." It is no surprise that at the first opportunity he seems okay cheating on Kate with the model Gerry is working with. I like the moment where Cliff and Sharon (Pat Astley), the model, go outside and he walks away from her after seeing the cops there. Now for whatever reason the killer corners Sharon and doesn't kill her, even though she is wearing a Santa costume. He just runs a razor blade over her body and ogles her and then goes away. I do like the next day when the two cops come to see her and she is just okay being topless the whole time. 

Despite all of these fun character moments none of them really stand out to me. What does standout is the kills. While Purdom is far from a great suspense director the kills themselves are plentiful and bloody. As soon as you think the best kills have happened, another one happens. There is one at the London Dungeon which is the best set piece and the most suspenseful kill of the movie. There is one where a Santa is literally killed while roasting chestnuts on an open fire. This is one of the only slasher movies I know of where the killer targets more men than women. I do like the more giallo aspects to it though. There is a mystery the whole time, though that mystery becomes a lot more obvious when you realize two characters involved never share a scene together. Before the killer's face is actually revealed they do very little to disguise their voice and their outfit is always the same. Again, chop that up to incompetent directors and troubled production. One of the kills takes place at a concert where Caroline Munro shows up to perform. There is one part where the killer Santa chops off a guy's junk in the bathroom. Another great double kill is when he stabs a guy with a bladed shoe, then claws him with sharp brass knuckles and then stabs him in the neck. Then another Santa runs over and fights the killer and is stabbed in the eye. Some great FX in that part on the eye wound. The mask that the Santa killer wears with a fixed grin is awesome. 

A look at the killer in this movie

Spoiler Section

I do like some of the more giallo aspects to this. Kate starts her own investigation and finds out that Harris has no birth record. She calls his house at one point and finds out from his housekeeper that he goes to Parklands, a mental institution once a month. Meanwhile a reporter named Giles (Alan Lake), who we have seen in scenes that only don't have Harris, is revealed to be the killer. The killer kidnaps Sherry through her peepshow booth after she tells the cops she would recognize the killer if she saw his eyes again. Kate is eventually caught at home by Giles and killed after revealing that she knows he is Harris' brother. Powell eventually tracks down Giles near Kate's house but is killed by a home alone style trap where Giles rigs a car to some power cables and Powell is electrocuted. While he plans to sacrifice Sherry to, "show all the evil that Christmas represents." Sherry escapes and eventually Giles falls over several staircases but when she goes to check on him he springs to live and kills her. A flashback is then shown, Deep Red style, where a young Giles sees his father dressed as Santa cheating on his mother with another woman. When she catches him they argue, and she dies by falling down some stairs. Harris gets home and opens the present labeled "don't open till Christmas." It explodes and the movie ends. 

All of the characterization is thin. Since I like movies like the New York Ripper where there are kills and sleaze aplenty, I really enjoyed this despite the obvious flaws. I even like the little things. The score by Des Dolan sounds like the most Cassio heavy score ever, yet I still enjoy it. I like the military style text for the credit font. The killer killing people dressed as Santa is fun. So many people break the Scream rules in this movie, like Sherry going over and inspecting Giles' body. The mystery is so obvious when you realize neither Giles or Harris have any time on screen together but the investigation aspect is still well done. I also enjoy lines like Harris saying "My name is Ian but I'm not Scottish." Purdom is always fun. You never get any slasher movies where the final girl is a sex worker. You also don't get many where both possibilities as a final girl are killed. The police investigation story combined with someone investigating feels quite like a giallo. The only problem is giallo movies focused less on high body counts and more on well drawn out kill scenes, and usually not this many character narratives. Drop Sherry from the story all together and maybe have a few less kills and more sequences like the one at the London Dungeon and this would be almost perfect. 

Rating: 9/10

Trivia: Watch Joe Bob Briggs' latest Christmas show to find out more:

The film took almost two years to complete after original director Edmund Purdom quit the job and Derek Ford took over but was fired after two days. The distributors then hired Ray Selfe to complete the direction and Alan Birkinshaw to rewrite parts of the script, including the original ending and the London Dungeon sequence, and much of the footage was completely re-filmed.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD7ImV8Spyo

SLASHER MOVIE ANATOMY:

• Prior Evil: A young boy witnesses his father, dressed as Santa cheating on his mother. His mother catches them and she dies in an accident while falling down some stairs.
• Body Count: 18
• Whodunit: Yes
• Mask or outfit: plastic grinning mask
• Locale or organizer: London
• Best Kill: Spear to the mouth with party favor still in mouth

INSTRUMENTS OF DEATH AND SLASH COUNT

• railroad spike through the mouth: 1

• Knife: 6

• Burned to death on a Grill: 1

• Gunshot to the mouth and out through the head : 1

• Broken Bottle to the Neck and Eye : 2

• Spiked Glove : 1

• Machete: 1

• Razor Blade castration: 1

• Jumper Cable electrocution: 1

• Strangulation: 1

• Falling down stairs: 1

• Bomb Explosion: 1

SLASHER MOVIE TAXONOMY

•         Kingdom: Post Halloween and Friday the 13th, Has giallo sensibilities, City location
•         Phylum: Serious, Police Investigation whodunit
•         Class: Slasher set in London at Christmas time
•         Order: 1984, though filmed years before
•         Family: Full Upper body nudity shown from one woman
•         Genus: Just as much of a fun setting and location as the slasher elements, Good investigation mystery, bland final girl characters
•     Species: High body count, really bloody kills and FX work, a few standout kills, trademark look with the grinning mask. Good twist, but obvious upon rewatch

A Pistol for Ringo

 

Imagine Die Hard if John McClane was a hired prisoner to kill some bandits holding people hostage. This is that movie. Giuliano Gemma as Ringo is as charismatic as any western star. He has funny moments, witty lines like "God created man equal, but the Colt made them different." He has the charm that would make any woman want to be with him and the type of cool factor where any guy would want to be him. A better spaghetti western than most because of the character dynamics. Fernando Sancho plays a charismatic and not overly cruel villain, though he actually kills two hostages a day like he says he's going too. It puts stakes in the movie. There are other characters I enjoyed as well such as the patriarch of the family being taken hostage trying to woo the much younger Dolores played by an alluring Nieves Navarro. This also has the type of random mean-spiritedness I enjoy in some spaghetti westerns. That manifests itself in scenes where hostages are shot trying to run away or the bandits basically playing Russian roulette with all the hostages near a table. Even though this movie is lighthearted there are some surprisingly dark moments that go well with all the fun of watching Ringo play a long con for money. 

Synopsis: An 'angel-faced' gunfighter is tasked with infiltrating a ranch overrun by Mexican bandits and saving their hostages, including the fiancée of the local sheriff.

Everything with the characters is set up early on. Ringo shoots four men before they can even draw on him. Before he does that though he is playing hopscotch with kids. That shows that he is much friendlier than other western heroes. Throughout this movie you never think Ringo is going to side with the bad guys just for money and this introduction is part of what makes me feel that way. When the criminals go to rob the bank, Dolores (Nieves Navarro) creates a distraction at the police station and catches them off guard and points a gun at all of them when the shooting starts. Sancho (Fernando Sancho) is shown pointing a gun at the back of the manager before anything even starts but he demonstrates he should be taken seriously because he kills the guards at the border to get across it in the first place. Once the shooting starts, Sheriff Ben (George Martin) shows how good of a shot and competent Sheriff he is by taking out many of Sancho's men while they ride away. He also hits Sancho in the shoulder, something that comes back later. Sheriff Ben's relationship with Ruby is also established and they have some fun banter like her saying that they always start eating at 10:00 in Boston. 

Nieves Navarro (AKA Susan Scott) as Dolores

So the characters are all ready established early on. Sancho goes to the Land Baron, Major Clyde's (Antonio Casas) house and takes him, his daughter Ruby, and all the laborers hostage. The Sheriff and his men surround the area. Sancho threatens to kill a hostage every night and every day until he lets them go across the border. Since they took the money, Sheriff Ben and his deputy, Timoteo, offer Ringo 30% of the money if he can go and free the hostages. This also makes him free on the charges of killing those four men in self-defense. 

Ringo goes to the house and Dolores recognizes him because he was in the jail at the police station. He immediately gets on their good side by fixing Sancho's wound. He said he worked for a barber that was also a surgeon. This starts the hero qualifiers in this movie that also seems like something from 80s and 90s action movies. Ringo later says he fought for the North in the Civil War and was part of a bomb disposal team. While you might expect more action, the movie's middle is largely about the relationships between people. Major Clyde starts showing an interest in Dolores. He starts giving her his best whiskey. Right when Sancho and his men go to the house, Major Clyde invites her in on the offer of the best whiskey and takes her by the arm. I want to be this dude when I get older just being rich and offering women 25 years younger than me some whiskey. Later he says to Dolores, "You are a beautiful woman and beautiful women should be admired." Since Dolores is like a femme fatale you get the feeling that she might be playing the baron, but at the same time why wouldn't she want to get away from Sancho? The baron has the financial resources that she would want. 

Giuliano Gemma as Ringo

Fernando Sancho, the quintessential fat Mexican in spaghetti westerns, oddly enough playing a character named: Sancho

Ruby and Ringo also start talking. During a scene where everyone dances, Ringo cock blocks one of Sancho's men, Pedro (Jose Manuel Martin). Pedro asks Ruby to dance and Ringo steps in front of him and says no she all ready said she would dance with me and Pedro proceeds to throw a knife at him which he throws back in his direction. This starts a rivalry that culminates in Ringo saving Ruby from being raped by Pedro later. That leads to an awesome fight that goes into a barn between Ringo and Pedro where Ringo eventually tricks him into picking up an axe so he can kill him under the guise of self-defense by throwing a knife at him. In this fight you see Giuliano Gemma's acrobat background be put to work and it is one of the most exciting moments of the movie. 

This movie wouldn't work if Ringo weren't an awesome character. Throughout the whole movie he is one step ahead of the villains at every turn. He eventually gets the villains to agree to give him 40 percent of the money if he gets them to the border. He talks about knowing the area, and knowing where the Sheriff's men are on the perimeter. There is one great scene where he starts drawing out the area on a tablecloth. After the villains agree to that deal Ringo leaves the room and Sancho immediately talks about killing him and Ringo opens the door and says if you're thinking about killing me you're wrong. Later after he goes to the mill and kills four of Sancho's men, he goes back to the house. He gets captured after the Sheriff's posse gives the wrong signal through the binoculars. While he is strung up and beat up he convinces Sancho that he was going to double cross the Sheriff and his men. So, Ringo is always able to get out of those situations. Instead of trapping the Sheriff's men in the canyon, he ends up trapping Sancho behind it so the hostages can get away later. Ringo never feels like the more self-motivated character Clint Eastwood plays in the Dollars Trilogy. In A Fistful of Dollars, the Man with No Name basically gets an entire family killed by playing them off against each other. Ringo doesn't seem like the type to want to have that on his conscience. Eastwood's character does get a heroic moment in that movie, but Ringo really seems like a hero through this whole movie. When he kills Sancho's men at the mill he could just leave but decides to go back to the house. You could say he just did that for the money. I believe he wants to save Ruby and the others. 

Spoilers Ahead!

Something I enjoy about spaghetti westerns is they always have some mean spirited moments and some kind of action sequence that I don't see very often. During the bank robbery scene one of the guards is shot off the roof of the bank and I enjoy hearing that person scream. That usually gets me to laugh. There are moments when the bandits shoot laborers trying to run away and they even kill a married couple. That does seem real though with the times. Wild west villains and villains during war were more like this and these type of scenarios were probably things Italians lived in WW2. These weren't the type of things that happened in the Old west as much, though I'm sure some bandits were like Sancho and his men. Dolores getting killed was something I didn't see coming. It did confirm that she was genuinely in love with Major Clyde. I love in the ending shootout that Ringo uses the reflection on the bell to see where Sancho is and ricochets the bullet of the bell to kill him. It does end with Ringo taking the money, so he's not completely selfless. While a romance between him and Ruby is hinted at, it isn't explicitly stated. Ending with Ringo giving the watch to Ruby and her giving the watch to the Sheriff and Ringo riding off is a nice ending to me. While this movie doesn't scream Christmas to me, it has enough ambience to feel like it. The emotional things the family goes through, the singing of Christmas songs, the tree, it all feels like Christmas. So this is a Christmas movie to me, albeit with a lot of Ennio Morricone acoustics and human voice. 

Rating: 9/10

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va7ohgK_YIU

Watch movie here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoCPQFNJgVM

Fatman

 

The satirical elements of Fatman are its biggest success. It takes the idea of Santa Claus and incorporates him into the modern world. A world full of the commercialization of Christmas. He laments the idea that he has to be Santa for business reasons, like having to pay the electric bill in his house rather than it being something he wants to do. It is a deconstruction of the Santa legend and shows what his workshop would be if it were a real thing. The premise of this movie might imply an action packed comedy. It is more like a satirical drama as there isn't much action until the last 20 minutes or so and there are few laugh out loud moments. Without Mel Gibson and Walton Goggins this movie would not work. They carry this movie with their screen presence and Gibson shows how great of a dramatic actor he still can be at times. 

Synopsis: A rowdy, unorthodox Santa Claus (Mel Gibson) is fighting to save his declining business. Meanwhile, Billy (Chance Hurstfield), a neglected and precocious 12-year-old, hires a hitman (Walton Goggins) to kill Santa after receiving a lump of coal in his stocking. 

I like how this movie starts and how Santa acts throughout. Mel Gibson is the perfect person for playing this kind of pessimistic and gruff Santa Claus. His wife played by Marianne Jean-Baptiste acts as his moral compass and someone who gives him reassurance. They have a conversation at one point about Christmas being the biggest stimulus check in the world yet they can't get money for their power. He also talks about half of the kids getting coal instead of presents and that volume isn't good enough for the government. Yet what do kids mostly want these days? Material things. Santa laments the days where kids would probably ask for things they needed rather than things they wanted. The two characters of Jonathan Miller (Walton Goggins) and Billy Wenan (Chance Hurstfield) are representations of this in different ways. 

Billy is a spoiled kid who cannot accept not getting what he wants. When he is the runner-up to the science fair he has his personal assassin, Miller, kidnap the girl who beat him and demand she tell the school she cheated and give the first place ribbon to him. He uses his grandmother's accounts to finance things and when his grandmother learns of this he attempts to poison her with fentanyl. He later hires Miller to kill Santa Claus after he gets coal for Christmas. His father is absent from his life which does have something to do with his actions. The same goes for Miller who implies that he had an abusive childhood. Santa later says that he couldn't replace his parents. That might also be something this Santa laments as he can only give real, physical gifts and he can't be magical except in the ways of knowing who everyone is and what they want. That might be what messes with his mind so much in this movie. Miller turns inward on himself in an unusual way. He collects toys that are or once were a prized possession of a child. He collects the toys that Santa gives them. His prized possession: a small toy police car, the only gift he ever got from Santa. 

Gibson's, Gobbins', and Hurstfield's acting make this movie better than it should be. The comedy in this is more satirical than actually funny. Gibson shows some great dramatic acting when he calls his elves in early to help the military. He seems physically pained that this is what his job has come to. Later you see the empathy in his face when he reads the letters from kids thanking him. This revitalizes him in more ways than one. Earlier on in the movie he gets hit by a gunshot while driving his sleigh. Later when he gets more fatal wounds from something it doesn't seem to affect him as much. I think his Christmas spirit determines both how happy he is but also how the magical elements work. Goggins has charisma anytime he is on screen. Some of the more thrilling moments were him trying to get information and you almost don't want him to kill the people he gets information from. You actually like him because he's Walton Goggins but he kills the people anyway. Some of the road movie and detective elements with him are fun. Seeing him driving, peeing, and going to gas stations was an unnecessary montage but that might be the point. The drive from the United States to Canada to Alaska is a long one. I like how cunning he is when he asks about the car Santa drives by knowing that someone will tell him the correct car if he says the wrong one. Hurstfield plays a bratty, privileged kid well. The second I saw him I wanted to shove him through a wood chipper. At the end though he shows some dramatic heft and you can see both the fear and how pathetic he is when Santa calls him out for who he really is. 

As I said before I like how this deals with the commercialization of Christmas. The idea of Santa's address being on the mail and that being the only way he can be communicated with is fun. The elves having the diet of only carbs and sugars, and only taking 20 minute naps while working 24 hours is fun. Santa's workshop is shown to be more industrial, like any normal warehouse and this really is a deconstruction of the legend of Santa Claus. He shows the magical powers you would expect like being able to know who anyone is and what they want like when he goes to the bar and dissuades that one man from cheating on his wife. If I wanted more from this movie it was more action and more comedy as this movie does feel like it is in weird limbo at times but I've still never seen anything quite like it. 

When the action starts at the end it is great. Seeing Miller methodically and precisely take out all the military people is great and there are blood squibs aplenty. The final shootout between him and Santa is like something out of Open Range. I enjoy that long and wide, bird's eye view shot of them staring each other down. 

Rating: 7/10

Trivia: The climactic shootout sequence took four days to film, with the temperatures hitting as low as -36 celsius.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z64XvPERZ50

Clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2qhZtEycLw&list=PLZbXA4lyCtqpi6J6TdIkf4FqHvaW4UDNG